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What’s the deal with: The X-Files Opening Credits

November 14, 2009

Let’s start by refreshing your memory with one caveat, turn down the sound when you watch the opening credits the first time:

It is appropriate that the Youtube video is a crappy recording of the title playing on a TV. You know, the titles stayed in this form from Season 1 until Season 8, when Duchovny left. At that point they changed it because they had to change it. That’s right, they liked that opening title sequence. It was “perfect” for the show. To examine this belief let’s run through the sequence:

Main Titles: Looks good so far. Pretty ominous. The contrast between the black and the out of focus white slash leaves you feeling uneasy.

Now we have a grainy shot of a UFO and we zoom in real close. What does this tell us? This show is about aliens? We have crappy production values? Get ready for us to talk a lot about a big conspiracy, but only deliver shitty explanations akin to this hoax-ass looking video?

Next we have a star chart(?) with a dark hand moving across this. Is this supposed to get me in the mood for mystery because I don’t know what the fuck the chart is of or what that hand is doing? Are aliens navigating? Is a human navigating an alien ship? How does this relate to the grainy hoax-ass video I saw just a few seconds ago?! This looks like an ad on public access for some hackneyed psychic. I lub you (this is an inside joke, if you don’t get it that is okay, but if you do get it consider us friends).

Now we have one of those static balls that makes your hair stand on end. Oh WOW! IS MY HAIR GOING TO STAND ON END BECAUSE YOUR SHOW IS SCARY AND BLOWING MY MIND ALL THE TIME?!?!?! Yes, 1993 was a long time ago, but how was this static ball mysterious to anyone?

Someone getting his face stretched in a fun house mirror. Is this a director cameo? ARE ALIENS DOING IT!?

Now we have two seeds mirroring each other and growing quickly. Time lapse photography = “Paranormal Activity.” Holy God! The plants are growing too quickly, we need to breed some kind of alien human hybrid and we are going to abduct American citizens to do it!

Close up of Duchovny’s FBI badge. Back on firmer ground. The FBI is involved! We can definitely get behind that kind of show.

“Government denies knowledge” of some kind of after image on a grainy video camera. Is this show going to be some kind of fake documentary, all wobbly camera angles and screaming shadows? DID THE ALIENS TAKE THE AFTER IMAGE MAN AND THE GOVERNMENT ISN’T TELLING US ABOUT IT!!!!!!?????!!!!!

Again with the badges, but this time it is Gillian Anderson’s. I want to take a brief aside here to say that she is as hot as you remember, but not until season 3. Although within the first couple episodes of the series they have her in her underwear and I swear she took a bath at least once an episode in season 1. In season 4 she gets a tattoo on her lower back and the tattoo sequence is actually a butt sex scene. Tattoo as metaphor for Agent Scully’s first experience with butt play.

Shot from season 1. You might be a little confused because the Youtube video is recorded on a TV, but the shot in the credits also looks like Chris Carter just set up a video camera in front of a TV playing an X-Files episode and then used the video tape to make the credits.

Falling silhouette into blue hand with red proximal phalanx (yeah I looked it up, so fucking what?). This looks like someone trying to make a cave drawing using a computer.

Eyeball. What an innovative way to depict the mysterious!

Dark mountains, fast clouds, “The Truth is out there.” This is the part of the title that really stuck with people and became the show’s slogan. This is because everyone was so relieved to finally be done with this crappy montage of unrelated images. These credits look like they were put together by an earnest high school freshman in his first month of video editing. Well, third month of video editing, some of those pictures dissolve into each other pretty smoothly. In any case, I’m rewatching the X-Files right now and I’m loving it, except for the titles. Usually I skip over them, but the other night I watched them and was left, once again, with a sense of wonder at just how terrible they are. I saw more interesting photo montages on my college ex-girlfriend’s idle computer screen.

Now watch the credits again with the volume on. Thank God for the music. The music hits the mood and atmosphere of the show perfectly. That music can make any image mysterious. You could put pictures of kittens or babies (no cheating and using those creepy babies dressed as fruit or vegetable pictures though) to that music and I would feel a little uneasy about what I had just seen. If I had the editing software I would take the kittens dressed as puppies sequence from Conan and put it to the X-Files theme and when I was done watching it I would feel like the kitten puppies were part of some deep rooted interstellar conspiracy. Thank God for that music.

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34 Comments leave one →
  1. steven permalink
    August 30, 2010 1:15 am

    you are a cockbite

  2. Anonymous permalink
    April 16, 2011 9:23 pm

    wow shut up there is absolutely no reason for you to rant about this

  3. Anonymous permalink
    June 10, 2011 10:30 am

    You sir are a douche!!!

  4. Anonymous permalink
    July 26, 2011 12:16 am

    Man, I love nuts! Especially in my mouth and on my chin.

  5. Anonymous permalink
    October 6, 2011 8:42 pm

    You are a cock sucker. Go fuck off.

  6. Anonymous permalink
    October 22, 2011 9:03 pm

    Haha that’s funny… If you weren’t so closed minded and brainwashed you would see the vast amount of symbolism and how they cleverly through it together to captivate the minds of others who actually question things instead of blindly believing everything we are told. Things are not always as they seem, something you may understand if you ever become a more intellectual being. Your arguments are not even intelligent, you didn’t even make any connections or relate any of the things they show ti any greater meaning, you just bluntly pointed out the exact objects and pictures they presented. Good job;) Gold star for you buddy

  7. george clinton permalink
    November 19, 2011 6:18 pm

    you ignorant fuck mulder would beat you 7 days till sunday with his standard issue

  8. I want to put it in Scully's butt. permalink
    March 14, 2012 7:02 pm

    Come on guys, have a sense of humour. Who can hate a guy that points out Scully’s butt sex scene?
    I also love these crappy titles, and the cheap production values (you have to admit, the first couple seasons are pretty bad). I have all 9 seasons on DVD, have watched every episode again and again, and if anything the budget 90’s style of everything just makes me love it even more.
    But I die a little inside every time I see those two germinating seeds. I mean, really? “Holy fucking shit Mulder, watch out! Seeds!”
    Who knows, maybe I’m not intellectual enough to see the incredibly deep symbolism and connections between a handprint with a red dot on it, seeds and a man with a stretchy face. Or maybe I can just love something and still admit its faults.
    And George Clinton, Mulder would definitely not pistolwhip anyone, he loses his gun every time he pulls it out of the holster. Every fucking time. Go back to the Mothership and find where you left your funk, because you sound like a bit of a cunt right now.

  9. Bindo permalink
    August 5, 2012 12:07 am

    I concur with everything you said. Everything.

  10. RICK permalink
    September 16, 2012 3:14 pm

    I LOVE LAMP

  11. Stephen permalink
    September 22, 2012 1:19 am

    Omg!!! Will you marry me?? Or at least be my friend?? I think our minds became connected when the sprouts hit the lower part of the screen. Yep…definitely right then!!

  12. Anonymous permalink
    October 19, 2012 10:00 pm

    I’ve been trying to figure out what the seed were for forever! I thought they were eggs popping open or something

  13. K L permalink
    January 15, 2013 8:40 pm

    I like the X-Files, but this got me laughing so hard! These opening credits creeped me out real bad as a child, but now, they do look cheesy, sort of. As a kid, I thought the “Government denies knowledge” picture was some security camera footage of a ghost in a hallway. I was like “Is this real? Oh dear!!!” Lol!

  14. Nelis permalink
    January 17, 2013 5:44 pm

    Lol,

    2,5 years after and still zero likes. I pity this fool

    But still i am satisfied for i googeled what the two mirrored balls were supposed to be and you nailed it so here, take my thanks, fool!

  15. Anonymous permalink
    March 11, 2013 2:48 pm

    Nelis i came with the exact same way and reason xD

  16. Anonymous permalink
    April 12, 2013 12:57 am

    Lol that was hilarious. I am re-watching the series now and realizing how corny it was at times. Still love it though!

  17. Anonymous permalink
    April 16, 2013 12:43 pm

    Next we have a star chart(?) with a dark hand moving across this. I found that on YT. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGYYmM4EJ58&feature=youtube_gdata_player tiled “it has begun ufo ..”

  18. Kyle permalink
    October 21, 2013 12:37 pm

    Your a shitty fuck head with your piss and your shit.

  19. Anonymous permalink
    November 6, 2013 3:01 pm

    if your trying to be a …well your a joke

  20. November 19, 2013 4:51 pm

    LMAO I always thought the intro was amazing simply because the music is so good. But now that you’ve pointed it out it really is a terrible sequence of images!
    WTF with the seeds!? I always thought they were alien eggs and was waiting for the episode that would feature them (which is what brought me here.) Guess that’s never gunna happen.

    Kickass show though. I’ve just started season 2, cant wait for that butt scene with Agent Scully

  21. Travis permalink
    January 7, 2014 12:41 pm

    What kind of a person are you?

  22. Nvm permalink
    January 13, 2014 2:34 pm

    It’s radar not star chart 😀

  23. Caretaker permalink
    September 2, 2014 11:57 am

    Next time you try to be funny, start by actually being funny. Although, based on available evidence, that seems like a goal that you are unlikely to ever be able to even come close to achieving…

    Yes, sadly, it appears that you are likely to remain nothing but an unfunny, try-hard internet douche. And not even a stand out example of that low breed. On the upside…actually there is no upside, you just suck.

  24. Anonymous permalink
    October 29, 2014 10:46 am

    so what should the intro show¿ if it showed green men it would b 2 obvious. the stretchy head and shadow guy in hall r ghosts so it fits. the grainy ufo is bcuz its zoomed in not hard to figure out. complain much¿ make something better then.

  25. Anonymous permalink
    October 29, 2014 11:34 am

    im suprised u didnt have a problem w the scene where they kick in the door and enter w guns n lights…jeez. omg its all so horrible! who r they supposed 2 b fbi or something?…ooo so cool.

  26. Dalton permalink
    February 19, 2015 2:52 am

    This had me crying from laughter. Hahaha I love the post!

  27. Anonymous permalink
    February 19, 2015 5:24 pm

    Brendon, You suck…..The X-Files was one of the best shows of TV since in the 1990s, compare to the half-assed, sexed up juvenile delinquent TV shows of today. No essence no form….Try making a show like the X-Files…or even doing the research for it…Fuck-Turd!!

  28. April 20, 2015 11:36 pm

    Bro everyone who’s freaking out about how this is “offensive to the show” needs to seriously calm down. Yeah! It’s a cool show! Good job! This post is clearly for laughs. Y’all missing the point. It’s really funny. Like, seriously, are we supposed to be worried about the static electricity orb? OH NO. I can buy one of those at the mall for 20 bucks.

    Anyway, thanks for helping me figure out what those weird dripping things were? I thought they were gross alien eggs or something. Ew.

  29. Anonymous permalink
    July 28, 2015 11:32 pm

    This…100% exactly this!

  30. Anonymous permalink
    January 1, 2016 9:40 pm

    Love the show but it does have one of the worst intros

  31. Anonymous permalink
    February 23, 2016 11:11 pm

    Come on, guys! Have a sense of humor!

    This opening used to terrify me as a child…but looking at this helped me overcome that childhood fear. XD THANK YOU.

  32. Anonymous permalink
    April 3, 2016 10:06 pm

    jackass

  33. May 13, 2016 1:50 pm

    When the series was first on the air, I didnt want to watch it because I thought that Scully and Fox had such unanimated expressions all the time.. I never gave the series a chance. Then I rediscovered it about 3 years ago on netflix and watched all the movies.. and absolutely loved it.. Now that the new series is out I am rewatching all the old episodes again first before I watch the new one. It is amazing how good the writing is in this series,, possibly the best ever on TV.
    I am still in the middle of the old series and then I will watch the new one on Amazon prime. I just saw the picture of Fox and Mulder on the new series.. Fox looks a lot older , I think.. Scully, though, still looks young and beautiful..

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